are you so shy because you have an std?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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