Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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