Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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