my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
