butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
