I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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