I'm so fucking centered right now
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
