you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
