would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
