Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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