I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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