There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
