I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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