first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
