i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
