OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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