i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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