I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
