end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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