Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
