In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
