can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
