what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
