I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
