if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
