You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
