All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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