I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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