Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
