Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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