I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
