Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
