Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
