Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
