i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
