this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
