the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Enjoy the penises
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
