you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
