Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
