that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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