I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
