That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
