The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
