before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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