I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
