I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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