Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
