Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
why is half of my head shaved?
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