Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
