just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
