Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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