She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I could fuck to npr.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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